I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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