Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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