so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
