Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm passing your future prison.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
