i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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