Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
