Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
