Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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