My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
