is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
