tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
