I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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