Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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