I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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