Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
