His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I party with great urgency now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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