I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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