How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
