Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
