Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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