My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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