Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I see more hoeing in ur future
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