i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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