there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
