I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
