my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i came on her dog
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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