she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
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....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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