It was confusing and full of hummus
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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