What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize