Whod you bang
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
