either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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