Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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