I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
