woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
