Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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