As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
