His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
