my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
