Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
