oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
