Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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