I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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