The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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