He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
