My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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