i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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