Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
