please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
