CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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