Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
