In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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