I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
