I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
