no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
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It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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