1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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