i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
