I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
