so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
