You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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