A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
