I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
