if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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