Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
